Superman’s Woman Buddy, Lois Lane is a legend within the annals of comedian books. This awkwardly named collection ran for 137 points from 1958 to 1974, making it one of many longest operating female-led comics of all time outdoors of Surprise Lady and Betty and Veronica. At one level it was the third greatest promoting ebook on the stands, after Superman and Superboy. It’s a traditional.
It’s additionally…uh, let’s say a problematic fave? Like its brother title, Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen, SGFLL is notorious for its weird, convoluted plot traces, which steadily concerned Superman appearing seemingly out of character, usually for the final word goal of educating Jimmy or Lois to not be so impulsive//curious/younger/feminine/[enter the supposed personality flaw of the week here]. That is bizarre and upsetting sufficient with Jimmy, however with Lois there’s a complete additional stage of, effectively, Superman repeatedly deceiving and gaslighting a girl he’s romantically concerned with, who can be his coworker. Lois spends a whole lot of Superman’s Woman Buddy, Lois Lane in tears.
I used to be acquainted with this components, which is why I used to be so stunned and delighted to come across the glory that’s “The Superb Superman Junior,” the primary of three tales in Superman’s Woman Buddy, Lois Lane #6 (January 1959), as a result of Superman makes an attempt to tug his standard shtick on Lois—and she or he is totally and completely not having it. And it’s wonderful.
Initially, how unbelievable is that cowl? It has nothing to do with the story we’re discussing, however I find it irresistible. Oh Silver Age Superman, by no means change.
Our story begins with Lois masking the launch of a brand new rocket. Decided to be the primary civilian aboard and thus get a scoop, she feigns sunstroke and asks to be carried inside. As soon as alone within the rocket, she by chance triggers a launch, which is unquestionably very simple to do with rockets.
Class ID: 1074
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Any lady who ever used “feminine troubles” to make a male health club trainer panic and allow them to skip class can relate to Lois’s unbelievable over-acting within the first panel.
Fortunately, Superman occurs to note the rocket taking off forward of schedule, stops it, and rescues Lois, who has fainted from shock. Livid as a result of she…tried to get a scoop…as a result of she’s a reporter…like he’s…okay, no matter, he decides to “train her a lesson,” as a result of that’s an applicable method to work together with one’s fellow adults.
WHY DOES THE WHOLE PAPER GET THE WEEK OFF FOR THIS. Perry slouching in his chair there has by no means regarded extra deserving of a harassment swimsuit.
Batman is simply too busy doing *checks notes* actually the rest to take part on this communal punishment, however Robin and his gams are all in:
I can’t cease laughing at this panel but it surely additionally makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable.
When Lois wakes up, Superman has introduced the rocket to an uninhabited island upon which he has constructed a pretend futuristic metropolis. Ready to greet her are Superman, Perry, and Jimmy, who declare to have aged 50 years as a result of one thing one thing relativity. (Additionally: Perry and Jimmy, who’re no less than 30 years aside in age, are someway now equally outdated. Relativity once more, in all probability.)
The place are her good mates Clark (who can’t seem for apparent causes) and Batman? Oh, they’re useless. Take that, Lois! And what’s up with Robin, 50 years later?
STILL WEARING THE SHORT PANTS COSTUME, JUST BALD. (And apparently on stilts.) Take that, The Darkish Knight Returns and Kingdom Come! That is the true way forward for the DCU: male sample baldness.
Lois, having spent the previous a number of pages sobbing whereas all of her male mates (ha ha simply kidding she’s not allowed to have feminine mates) snicker behind her again, asks to return to the rocket to the touch up her make-up. As you’ll observe, she’s significantly devastated by Superman’s passing remark that he married and had a toddler with one other girl.
However wait, what’s this?
(Please additionally observe that these sociopaths let this prank go on for greater than a day.)
“Superman Junior” instantly begins placing the strikes on Lois, who very clearly doesn’t thoughts. Pretend Outdated Superman, in the meantime, is baffled. He’s…fairly certain he doesn’t actually have a son? However this newcomer demonstrates all the standard Kryptonian powers on command:
Lois and Superman Junior have a whirlwind and very hilarious courtship:
I used to be going to make enjoyable of that big cake however no, I’d marry any man who introduced me a cake that huge, that’s legit.
Pretend Outdated Superman has gone from confused to livid. That is insulting! Spending 48 hours conspiring with dozens of individuals to persuade the girl you’re keen on that she’s been misplaced in area for half a century and all of her mates are useless or aged is simply good clear enjoyable, however this can be a bridge too far! It is a prank being performed on a person!
All of the sudden, Pretend Outdated Superman realizes who this imposter have to be, and makes use of his warmth imaginative and prescient to show it:
It’s Robin! He put out the fireplace earlier together with his palms relatively than stamping it out as Superman requested, as a result of he was afraid his wood stilts would burn. The remainder of him is quickly invulnerable because of a Tremendous-serum that he occurred to have within the Batcave (you realize, such as you do) which Lois made him drink.
However why did Lois make him hoax Superman, and why did he go together with it?
I like that there’s actually no cause “grownup” Robin must be sitting at a desk, in a toddler’s costume, typing…one thing? however he’s doing it anyway, as a result of I suppose stopping criminals and saving lives is much less satisfying that keyboard smashing bullshit on random items of carbon paper.
Good factor Lois all the time carries a ludicrously monumental piece of paper in her purse! (Oh my god you guys, Ernie Chandler is Robin!!!)
Anyway, that’s how Lois discovered that she was being pranked and turned the tables superbly on her tormentors. (Be aware that Lois didn’t inform anybody their family members had been useless or make them cry.) That is a number of the most satisfying vengeance I’ve ever learn and I’ve learn like 300 problems with The Punisher.
And it will get higher!
“Lois, I can’t consider you blackmailed a toddler.” Hush, Clark. You’re the one who dragged Robin into these psychosexual thoughts video games within the first place, not Lois. Why don’t you take heed to her and do one thing good for the world as a substitute of determining new methods to govern your folks?
And no, Perry. Nobody will ever train her a lesson, as a result of she’s smarter and higher than all of you. Now print that story on web page one (above the fold, thanks) and ensure to clap when she wins her a number of Pulitzers.
By the best way, the opposite two tales on this situation are: 1. Lois will get arrested for taking a bribe to not expose a counterfeit license plate printing gang, solely to disclose that her arrest was a part of an elaborate sting to take the gang down, and a pair of. Lois turns into a lieutenant within the military (…certain) and seems to be a tyrant and a bully, solely to disclose that her seemingly merciless habits was designed to ferret out a overseas spy. It’s a reasonably nice comedian ebook.
Superman’s Woman Buddy, Lois Lane is total an entertaining however considerably troubling ebook. However from time to time gems like #6 pop up and present us why this character has endured for over 80 years. Right here’s to you, Lois Lane!
